


wish it was easier to kiss you on the mouth.

by Anna_Peach



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Porn, Birthday, Birthday Sex, Childhood Friends, Declarations Of Love, Drinking, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, I'm Sorry, Kinda?, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, One Shot, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Rey Needs A Hug, Semi-Public Sex, Soft Kylo Ren, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, ok edgelord, treehouse sex, why would I need to tag that?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:55:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26033803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Peach/pseuds/Anna_Peach
Summary: Going to a birthday party should be fun, especially if it’s on your birthday. Going to a birthday party for your twin brother when no one is celebrating you too is not so fun. When Kylo lets his anger get the best of him Rey knows how to calm him down.Loosely (Really do mean that) inspired by Honest Wage by Penny & Sparrow.This has been reworked slightly with ~1000 more words of extra angst, and edited.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	wish it was easier to kiss you on the mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> The himalayan salt lamp my mother bought me was judging me the whole time I wrote this, I'm so sorry. 
> 
> [I'm sorry.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8W9370CHkk)
> 
> (sorry if you read this before the edit)

Going to a birthday party should be fun, especially if it’s on your birthday. Going to a birthday party for only your twin brother is not so fun. Kylo was forgotten again, which he really shouldn’t find surprising considering his childhood, but Rey is throwing this party, they grew up together, how could she have forgotten him? 

The party is being held at his old family home, Kylo had moved out as soon as he turned 18 and went to the community college, Ben left too of course, except he moved all the way to the west coast. Kylo stayed, he’d still visited his parents when they called (which was rare), he met Rey after she finished class and let her complain about her love life, the New York galleries were good for his work anyways, he’d just been offered a residency, and yet, no one threw him a party. 

The house is familiar to him and still gives him the sense of unease that comes with knowing something will inevitably go wrong. He pushes through the bodies in the corridor to reach the kitchen, he hadn’t thought he was arriving too late, but judging by the amount of people packed into each room he passes and the shouting coming from them, he was arriving much later than the rest of the inebriated guests. 

He spots Poe on the other side of the island, nursing a red plastic cup, they're all over 25, you think they’d be trusted with more than plastic. As he walks over he stops by the fridge, pulling out two beer bottles and some cheap vodka, (Rey knows to keep it in the freezer, so she can’t have left it there). He pulls out his keys, pops the top off of both bottles and goes to hand one to Poe. 

“Hey man, long time no see, you just get here?” 

“You saw me six hours ago dipshit.” Kylo scowls down at him, he’s known Poe forever, but he is not drunk enough to put up with his smirking and good mood. 

“So you wanna do shots or what?” Poe asks, grabbing the vodka from Kylo’s hand and uncapping it. Poe reaches across the island for the tower of red cups, and pours a little in two of them. 

They tap cups, the lack of the satisfying clink is not lost on Kylo as he lets the liquid slide down his throat, the burn not too severe, but enough for him to know how cheap the vodka truly was.

“Fuck, your dad has gotta have something better hidden around here.” Poe rasps, the vodka making his throat rougher. 

Kylo huffs out a laugh, “I know where mum hides her good tequila.” 

They leave the kitchen and head up the twisting staircase in the hall, pushing past bodies, some wishing him a “Happy birthday Ben!” which only causes him to scowl, he went to school with most of these people, they know that there’s two of them, besides Ben probably has a dress shirt on, Kylo came casually dressed in a black t-shirt and dark jeans. He wants to blend in, as much as he might complain that it isn’t his party, he really does not want to be the centre of attention.

He’s lounging in his mothers study with Poe, nursing his beer, the two tequila shots they each did when they got up here giving him a nice buzz, his fingers numbing slightly, shoulders relaxing and brain forgetting why the damned facebook invite for tonight got him so worked up.  _ Who even uses facebook anymore? _ Rey apparently. But he isn’t bothered by all that now, because of the alcohol, and definitely not because Rey has just walked in, wearing a tight robin’s egg blue dress. She looks incredible, her hair is shorter than it’d been when he last saw her on monday, the soft waves a more caramel shade of golden, she looks perfect. She is perfect. Shame she’s so in love with Ben. 

“Oh, sorry guys! Someone said Ben was in here.” Rey smiles, coming to sit on the edge of the desk. She always could tell them apart. “Not interrupting anything too deep am I?” She looks into Kylo’s eyes and he wonders how long she took getting ready tonight, getting ready to see Ben and not him.

“Nah, Ky here just wanted the good tequila.” Poe laughs, patting him on the back, Kylo can’t help but shift away from him, he’s known Poe forever, but he doesn’t want to be touched by anyone, even in his slightly inebriated state,  _ anyone but her.  _

Rey laughs with him, “You should come down, I’m about to start a round of beer pong.” She stands, grabs Kylo’s hand,  _ it’s so small, so delicate in his own,  _ and leads him out of the room, down the stairs and into the large garden. 

* * *

Poe and Kylo play against Rey and Ben, who apparently never left the main party and just got separated from Rey. His white collared shirt stretching across his broad frame, a lighthouse in the mass of bodies. By the end of it, Rey and Ben win, if Kylo purposely missed a few shots so Rey wouldn’t have to drink so much then it’s no one's business but his own. She’s always been a lightweight, her slight frame unable to handle more than a couple drinks. This only means that by the end of it Kylo is more than tipsy, him and Poe stumbling back into the house to use the toilets. 

He drags his fly up as he leaves the toilet, exiting into a grating chorus of ‘happy birthday’, he can’t tell if everyone here is shouting or if they’re just that tone deaf. He watches Rey and Ben from across the room, she’s so close to him now, her smiling up into him, her face is so close to being buried in his neck.  _ That should be me. _ Kylo is shaking, he doesn’t wish they were all singing for him, but he wishes it was easier for Rey to be that close to him. Ben blows the candle out on the cupcake she’s holding up to his mouth, she squeals in her excitement. Ben never comes back, Kylo never leaves, he’s always there when Rey messages him, Ben isn’t and now he’s surrounded by everyone that has ever mattered to Kylo, they’re all having fun, and the focus is on Ben, Kylo is forgotten once again. Kylo can’t handle looking at them anymore, he turns, overcome with anger he punches a hole into the wall by the toilet door, the white plaster of the wall cracking and the burning of his knuckles satisfies him in an idiotically primal way. He makes a beeline for the front driveway. 

He’s angry, he’s shaking, seething, he can’t believe he did that, people must have noticed his outburst, some of them probably so drunk that they thought they were seeing double, shocked that their soft and personable Ben could be so violent on a day that should be all about him. Kylo shakes his head from side to side, he’s sobering up now, he can drive, he can make it home, get away from here. He only lives one town over, the roads won’t be busy, he’s not drunk.  _ He isn’t.  _ He can’t watch her be with him, he can’t watch Ben get everything he has ever wanted. He wishes he was more like him, wants to know there’s hope that Rey might one day reciprocate his feelings.

“Kylo!” Rey is shouting from the porch steps, “Please come back!” She wants him to turn around, to be with her, but he can’t. She wants Ben, and he can’t be like Ben, he tried talk therapy, painting, hell, he even exercises until he’s sore most days, clearly from the way his knuckles smart an angry red it hasn’t worked. His aggression is constantly bubbling under the surface.

He turns, his anger is still there, it hasn’t lessened since he got the damned invite a week ago, he was drunk then too,  _ but he isn’t drunk now, he has to drive home. He isn’t drunk.  _ But he isn’t sober either.

“No! Rey, why would I stay? Why would I want to watch this? Why would anyone want to watch this? Why would I want to watch the girl I love celebrate  _ him _ ?” Kylo jabs a finger towards the house, practically spitting in his anger, “He left you, and you still chose him! Did you forget he left? I stayed! I stayed for you! You're not being fair to me, making me watch this! It’s not fair and I’m going home.” He’s screaming, his voice is getting raspy with the heavy emotion that isn’t only anger, the pain clear on his face. He twists, yanks his car keys from his back pocket and storms towards his car, already seeing the lights flash to signal that it has unlocked.

“It’s his birthday!” He hears Rey wail behind him, stepping down from the porch to follow him.

He can’t help himself as he turns back around, he feels the tears stinging in his eyes, but she won’t see them, it’s too dark, “It’s my birthday too!” He’s screaming, he’s exploding and yet he can’t help it. He knows he should be quieter, they do have neighbours, he can’t help shouting across to her, “If I’m gonna be unhappy-” His voice breaks, he’s pathetic, no wonder she chose Ben over him. His voice softens slightly, gets quieter, the menacing edge still there “I’m not gonna torture myself and watch you with him Rey. It's so _easy_ for him. I wish it were easier for us too.”

She’s in front of him now, and she’s crying, the tears silently running down her face, leaving light tracks in their wake, Kylo has seen her cry enough to know that when they dry, you wouldn’t be able to tell she’d been crying if it wasn't for the red ringing her irises. She’s reaching out to hold his wrist, and it’s not fair, what her touch does to him, makes him angrier, calms him down, turns him on, makes the tears in his eyes threaten to spill over. 

Her right hand is wrapped around his wrist now, her left going to grab the keys from his fingertips, “You can’t drive, you’re drunk.” She whispers up at him.

“I can’t stay.” He whispers back hoarsely, seeing her like this does something to his insides, his anger extinguished completely. It reminds him of when they were nineteen and she was dumped for the first time, she came straight over to his dorm room, and cried into his shoulder for an hour before they ordered thai food, he never wanted to see her cry like that again, to see her so heartbroken, and yet here she is, looking like her heart has been torn from her chest and thrown carelessly to the ground, he did that. Kylo thinks that it’s a good reflection of how he feels too. His eyes flit between her own and her small fingers still wrapped around his wrist.

“We can-” Her swallow is audible, “We can go somewhere else, don’t leave.” She looks up at him, her eyes wide, she’s pocketed his keys now, he doesn’t have much of a choice but to go with her, maybe he’ll be able to get an Uber soon.

“I can’t Rey, I can’t go back in there.” Kylo is still whispering down at her, he’s afraid that if he raises his voice at all he really will start crying. She’s seen him cry before, but never when she’s the cause of it. Never when it hurt this much.

“I-” She cuts herself off, grasps his other hand, holds them tightly, squeezing like he might slip away, and Kylo can’t help but cover her hands more completely with his own, remind her he’s right there, that he won’t leave her. Her fingers are so cold, and he knows that she really wants Ben, and it makes him  _ want  _ to leave her _ ,  _ but he could never deny her anything, it’s why he came to this stupid party. She rang him right after the notification popped up on his phone, he had to leave the loud din of the bar to hear her gush about Ben and how amazing the night would be. Which only caused that night at the bar to be a disaster, Kylo getting so shitfaced that he puked in his taxi and had to pay an $80 cleanup fee. It was the first time he’d puked from alcohol since he graduated. He was so ashamed and Poe had shown all their friends photos of the night, even made it the group chat icon. He's almost certain Rey knew that she was the cause of his binge drinking. 

Escaping his reverie, only then does he notice the slight wobbling of her jaw, not from overwhelming emotion, but from the chill of the october night. He can’t even begin to imagine how her legs feel, completely uncovered as they are. 

“The treehouse.” He says, already beginning to walk around the side of the house. 

“Wh-What?” He can hear her teeth chattering now, hoping there are still blankets kept up there.

“The old treehouse, you know, that we played in as kids.” He says, his resolve is strong, his grip on her wrist tight, he won’t let her see how she affects him.

“Ky, it probably isn’t there anymore, come on,” She tugs at his hand, trying to get him to go back to the back porch of the house, “Surely we can just go to one of the bedrooms.”

He isn’t listening, he’s hyper focused on making it to the largest tree at the back of the yard, hidden in the dark.

“You better follow me up, Rey.” He looks down into her eyes as they reach the bottom of the tree.

“Always.” She whispers, as he begins to climb, he isn’t sure if she really said it or if it’s just the breeze.

As Rey pulls herself up into the wooden treehouse, Kylo is opening a chest that houses blankets, “Mom must’ve kept this clean after we left.”

Rey sits on the soft rug that covers the rough wooden floor, picking at the soft burgundy threads that make up a basic pattern, smiling impishly, “Actually… I did this, last week. Wanted it to be a surprise.” 

Kylo looks at her and raises an eyebrow, and Rey shrugs at him. “I figured it’d be nice for us all to come out here after the party.” She smiles up at him, “Was a real mess too, Chewie had to help me sort it out.”

Kylo smiles sadly, she did all this for Ben, because she loves him.

“Ky.” She whispers, her hand held out to him, he’s still by the chest, can’t bring himself to move closer to her, sit beside her, “Please Kylo.” She continues, louder this time, more sure of herself. She closes her fingers into her palm and then reopens them, gesturing for him to come closer. He can’t help but notice the rings she has on, the thin gold band around her middle finger is his mothers, sometimes he forgets that she is closer to his own mother than him, he understands why Leia prefers her, in her adorable perfection. He can’t help but be a little bitter about it. 

He falters, he knows that sitting beside her will only hurt him more, but he does it anyways, spreading the blanket over the both of their laps. 

She lies back on the rug and Kylo follows, it feels natural to lie next to her like this, he can feel the alcohol clearing from his veins now, the anger and chilly walk over her having refreshed him slightly.

She rolls over to prop herself up on her side, looking down at him. “So.. you love me?” She smirks down at him as he chokes on his own spit. She was crying not five minutes ago and now she’s teasing him, he’s used to her almost-neuroticism, she’d always been better at pushing her true emotions down than Kylo. 

“I- Rey, no, you- honestly, you’ve misunder-” Kylo is cut off by Rey pushing her mouth down onto his. 

It’s different than Kylo thought it would be, kissing Rey. She’s harsh, nipping at his bottom lip and pushing her tongue into his mouth without warning. It’s electric and so much better than he thought it would be. So much more  _ Rey  _ than he thought it would be. Her hands are pushing against his chest now as she moves her body, lifting a leg so she’s straddling him, all the while not breaking the kiss. 

Kylo pushes her shoulders up, “Rey I-” 

“ _ Shut up!”  _ Rey groans before kissing him again, pushing her hips down onto him, because of their size difference their hips don’t align and she is essentially grinding against his abdomen, Kylo’s hands grasping at her hips and pushing her hips back down when she lifts them. 

He feels more intoxicated now than he ever has, more than he did last week with his head rolling in the back of the ruined prius. It’s like he has taken some new designer drug that hazes over his mind, bringing him so close to a forbidden mind numbing pleasure. Heavy petting -if you can even call some basic kissing and his tight grasp of her waist heavy petting- has no reason to feel like this, but it’s  _ Rey, _ and Kylo has wanted her for as long as he can remember. Since she moved down the street when she was thirteen, through all of her messy relationships, all of his pointless ones, every one of his gallery exhibitions and her job promotions, the ridiculous amounts of thai food they devour most thursday nights, he’s wanted her through it all. 

“Rey.” He groans against her mouth, he isn’t pushing her away now though.

“I know.” She moans back, “Kylo?” She pulls up, pushing her hair behind one ear so it sits over one shoulder. 

Kylo is breathing heavy, “You love me?” Rey asks again, his breath stutters, “You do.” She nods to herself before going back to kiss him again. 

Kylo pushes at her shoulders, “Rey, I- This can’t be one-sided, I can’t do it if you don’t care about me too.” 

“Fucking idiot.” She whispers, leaning down to peck his lips, “Of course I care about you,  _ of course I love you.”  _ She means it, he can really see that she means it, her eyes shining with a completely new emotion, one he’s never seen her wear before, not for Ben or anyone else, it’s intoxicating and Kylo can’t help but want more of it.

Kylo groans and pulls Rey's mouth down to his own before rolling them so he’s on top of her. At this angle their hips align much better and he is more able to grind his down into her own, eliciting sounds from Rey that are so different than those he has imagined, much breathier, lighter and yet somehow lower. 

They’re kissing and he’s sure she can feel how hard he is against her, the music from the house drifting up to them, Kylo can’t help but feel like a teenager again, bringing back girls to his parents home was always weird but with Rey it isn’t, it was natural, she belongs here, with him. 

“I- Rey,” Kylo pants against her mouth, “How much have you had to drink?” 

She gasps, as his hips continue to push into her own, staring up at him, her eyes seem glazed over, but Kylo can’t tell if it’s from her libido or alcohol, “Just what you saw, during-” She groans as his hips make a particularly satisfying roll, “During beer pong. I’m sober- “ Another groan, “enough for this,  _ I want this _ .” She says fiercely grabbing the back of his neck, tugging on the hair at his nape. Kylo doesn’t think he’s ever spent this long kissing someone, doesn’t think he ever wants to stop. 

He pulls away, feeling her fingers pulling at the roots of his dark hair, begging for him to come back down to her, “We need- do you have a condom?” 

She shakes her head, frowning, “I trust you,” Kylo rolls off of her and Rey sits up, “I’m clean, we can-” She looks at her legs, her dress has come up around her waist revealing the tight black lace of her underwear, she pulls her dress down self-consciously slightly before continuing, Kylo wishes she hadn’t, his eyes raking over her legs, itching to push her dress back up. “We can go without, I’ve got the implant, I’m clean, are- are you?” 

Kylo grabs her chin, scoffing, “Of course, I trust you too.” He kisses her, softly at first, pushing her dress back up and resting his hand against her apex. Rey groans as he pushes the material to the side and rubs small circles into her. 

She mewls and arches her back into his chest where he’s moved to straddle her thighs, hovering above her. “This okay?” He asks as he nudges her opening with his middle finger. 

Rey groans, “God yes, don’t stop.” Her eyes are closed as she clenches around him, “More.” 

Kylo does as she says, his eyes never leaving her face, this close he can see her freckles, see the lines that are only just beginning to form on her forehead and around her eyes. He’s overcome with the urge to know what they’ll look like side by side when they're older, he can’t help himself really, never has been able to when it comes to Rey. It’s not the first time he’s thought about growing old with her, he just assumed he’d be doing it as her brother-in-law.

“I love you so much,” He curls his two fingers and uses his thumb to rub against her clit, “Come for me Rey, please, sweetheart, come for me.” 

She practically screams as her knees try to push together around his arm, cutting her moans off as she collapses back into the rug, “Kylo, I-” She pants. “I don’t-” Rey can’t catch her breath as his slick fingers pull out of her and he moves off of her, she can finally push her thighs together as they fall to one side on the ground. “I love you too Kylo.” She finally breathes out as she turns her head to him, kissing him languidly. Her body is at an awkward angle but she’s boneless, can’t be bothered to move herself into a position that’s more comfortable.

Rey still feels floaty from her orgasm as she pushes herself onto her knees before straddling him, she pulls the blue dress over her head, tossing it to the side. Kylo must have taken his shirt off while her eyes were closed. Rey runs her hands down his muscled torso, letting her fingers drift over the moles she sees there before they reach his belt buckle. One of her hands pushes lower as she undoes his jeans with one hand, the other pushing down onto his erection, rubbing him through the rough denim. His eyes were roving over her body appreciatively before her hands reached into his jeans.

“You sure about this?” He breathes out, his eyes stubbornly glued to the ceiling as she pulls his jeans and boxers down in one, they’re stuck at his mid thigh, he can’t move to take them off with her on top of him like this, and he doesn’t want to break the magic of the moment swirling around them.

“Second thoughts?” Rey teases, pulling him out fully before sliding her hand down and back up to rub her thumb against his tip, swiping at the precum beading there, he chances a look at her face, she licks her lips, and he decides its safer to watch her hand.

“God no. but If you suck me off we won’t be going any further.” He groans, raising one of his arms up to cover his eyes.

Rey takes that as an instruction to lift her hips up and push her panties to the side, before lowering herself onto him, and he’s so much bigger than she expected, she has to pause halfway down and breathe deeply as she adjusts. 

They groan in unison, “God you’re tight.” Kylo gasps, “Fucking perfect Rey, so perfect for me.” 

Rey whimpers as he pushes up into her, he’s only ever soft for her, all kind words and praises. Rey can’t help how she preens, “Perfect for you.” Her hips stutter, his firm hold on them not doing much to keep her upright as he hits a particularly magnetic spot inside of her.

Rey collapses onto Kylo’s chest as he continues to push up into her, “Kiss me,  _ please _ .” Rey begs, and he does just that, swallowing her moans.

He flips them over suddenly, never quite pulling out all the way, he sets a more brutal pace now, “I’m gonna-” He groans, “Are you gonna come, I want you to come.” His neck is turning red, his eyes are wild, and his hips are unforgiving, never slowing or lessening in their intensity. 

He’s driving Rey wild, the carpet rubbing against her bare back, the friction not entirely unpleasant now, but Rey knows she'll feel the rash later on. She nods her head fiercely, “Yes, yes!” She can’t lower her volume when she’s this close, unashamed of the fact that the people in the garden will be able to hear them Kylo pushes deeply into her one more time, his hips resting firmly against hers as he comes with a heavy _'fuck',_ and that’s what sends Rey over the edge, her vision whiting out, hands clawing down his back, animalistic sounds ripping from her throat. 

* * *

He eases himself out of her with a hiss sometime later, after both of them have gotten their breathing back into a normal pattern; Kylo rolls off her and she reaches down for the blanket he had grabbed earlier. They might be inside the shelter of the old treehouse, but that doesn’t mean the cold air doesn’t penetrate through the weak wooden structure. 

“I didn’t think you celebrated.” Rey whispers, pulling the blanket over his bare chest and turning into his side. 

“I- No, I don’t.” He looks down at her, eyebrows lowered. 

“I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, happy birthday Kylo.” She rubs her hand up his chest under the blanket until it rests on the side of his face, pulling him closer to her, “I really do love you. I just- I wanted to be with you but I had to throw a party for him, for the both of you. I’m glad you came.” She pauses, biting her lower lip, “Pun intended.” The energy around them feels just like it always does, nothing has changed between them, it’s not awkward, they have just finally admitted how they feel.

Kylo smirks, “Best birthday present ever..” He leans in and kisses her deeply, this kiss is different from those before, Kylo pushes more emotion into it now, letting her feel that he loves her rather than saying it, hopeful now. He knows that she truly does know him, knows that he would’ve hated if this party was for him, hated if she spent his birthday with anyone else. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I wrote this while tipsy, My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HaysianBarbie) which is where you can see if I'm drunk or not.  
> I was so incredibly tempted to have her call him by the wrong name you don't even know.


End file.
